When Blessings lead to guilt

I'm just going to say it,

I struggle with feeling guilty for blessings.

Isn't that horrible~

One of my guilts:

My husband works hard everyday, wakes up at 3:30 am 

every weekday morning for our family.

He works hard to provide for his family.

He wakes so early because we moved to a place where we felt his kids

would do best and because he doesn't want to 

come home at 8pm every night and miss seeing his family.

On nights I'm running with the kids, he will help with dinner, make the

kids sandwiches, and prepare the coffee machine.

OH and doesn't complain.

Where does my guilt come in?

I don't work....at least for $$

  For many years, I homeschooled the kids but

 still wished I could contribute.

I became a Realtor and really enjoyed it...

I enjoyed the rush...I enjoyed the business side of things

but struggled 

with time for my kids and time towards my business.

My kids won...they will always win.

So, my guilt is that I don't help with bringing $$ home.

I could go out and do really good in real estate but don't because

I would be pulled away from my home and family more than I want.

SO, I get to be home where I feel is 

my place.

I get to invest in relationships because I have time.

I get to volunteer at the schools, I get to go into my kids rooms in the 

early mornings and see their beautiful, innocent faces sleeping.

I get to wish them a good day and I get to hug them and 

be the first to hear how their day went.

I get to do this because...My husband works so hard.

The thing is...my wonderful husband supports my choice.

He understands that in this world a little extra $$ 

helps but he is good with me here.

Not only good but not bitter that he has to and has always

had to work hard to provide. 

I truly believe he knows the importance of the "mom" role.

But I still have guilt sometimes...ok a lot of times.

I know what some of you might say.

That I feel guilt because I don't see my own value.

You'd be wrong.

I do see the value I am to my family and those around me.

I know how important it is to be "around" because life happens..when it happens

and not when you want it to happen (if that makes since).

I know that my presents in my child's school is important and that 

they too, need help from those that can provide help.

I know that it's important for me (and a lot for my type A husband)

to be home to keep a clean and clutter free home (for the most part).

I know it's important for me to be the one people call, count on, ask for help,

and spills out their hearts to.

I know my role is important but on occasion I still

feel guilt for having such blessings.

Somedays I wonder why God has blessed me with this great life.

Why...I felt his presents so deeply in my youth, way before I was saved.

Why I felt like I was always a special "case" in His eyes.

Why I feel like He's put some of His heart into mine.

Somedays I just wonder...

Why I have this heart that wants to help so many.

Why I want so many other people to feel special and loved.

Why this is one of the things that fills me the most.

I'm not one that craves the spot light...I enjoy the backstage work.

I don't need others to lift me up, as long as I know I could 

bring sweetness into a sweet soul.

I guess I wonder these things...the things that is or should be normal

because I see those like me less and less.

 I see people with one thing and one thing only on their minds.

~Themselves~

So, on days that I feel most blessed, I might also feel the most guilty.

Is that silly?