But I was Brave

This Theodore Roosevelt quote from 1910 has circled around me a lot lately. 

For some reason, God has continued to put this directly in my face.

Most recently, it was from a Netflix piece I watched.

"Brene Brown: The Call to Courage"

I encourage everyone to watch it or at least listen to it.

(Note: there are a couple curse words, not many but a few)

It really hit me like a ton of bricks. 

Mrs. Brown talks about how this Roosevelt quote changed her outlook on life. 

She says...

"If I live in the arena, I will get my butt kicked.

I will fall.

I will fail.

Living in the arena is a choice I have to make everyday."

And also, 

"If you're not in the arena getting your butt kicked because 

you're not brave enough...

I am not interested or open to your opinions regarding my work."

Mrs. Brown continues to speak truths like....

There are stadiums and arenas with cheap seats FILLED with 

people that will never put themselves in the arena, 

never once put themselves out there.

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So, as I watched and listened I looked at myself.

Much of my life I've felt like I've kept myself in the arena.

But one thing slapped me hard today that I do over and over again.

It's my safe space. 

My mindset is to put myself out there and realize it won't always work out. 

My faith in Jesus keeps me always believing that 

He has me in life and death 

so how can I lose.

But honestly there are parts of me that ignore that mature side.

I tend to be fiercely independent.

I see that as a very good and positive attribute of mine.

But deep down inside, my independence stems from a 

guarded wall I've built through the years.

I have a complicated ability to be

 vulnerable and guarded

in the same moment.

And my soulmate has these same attributes.

We've raised our kids this way.

We told them our hope is for them to live as

strong independent Christians.

To lead by example, to be humble to receive help,

to respect all humans equally, 

but to be capable enough to take care of yourself.

All great things I still believe.

I think it's one of the reasons they are such remarkable humans.

BUT there is a catch to that.

That part where we are strong, independent, and capable...

it's the same part that we tend to guard ourselves.

------

"Being vulnerable is not about winning or losing.

It's about having the courage to show up when you can't control the outcome." 

 - {Brene Brown)

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The word vulnerable to me just hits me negatively, it shouldn't, but it does.

I know where it stems from. 

From moments that I've allowed myself to be less guarded and 

ended up hurt and disappointed. 

Many times in my life, those I've trusted to love and care for me 

could not be counted on and each time, brick by brick, I built my wall to be happy in  

the storm and in being able, strong, and independent. 

So that wonderful part of all 6 of us.

That strong, independent, capable side is amazing 

and yet there are parts of that attribute that keeps us in consist work 

from being too guarded.

Bravery means being...vulnerable.

No brave act was ever made without being vulnerable.

They go hand in hand.

Acts of bravery are different for everyone.

For some it's just showing up, for others it's putting everything you got

out there knowing you have no control where the chips will fall.

It could mean holding your tongue or 

letting someone you love struggle because you know the struggle 

is where the growth happens. 

Other times it's standing up for or even carrying someone.

Taking a bullet, going against the grain.

There are so many different forms of bravery.

The point is to be brave, however your brave act looks.

~Be brave~

I love what Brene Brown says at the end of this Netflix piece .

She said, 

"Vulnerability is hard, scary, and dangerous 

BUT

it's not as hard, scary, or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives

and asking what if I would have showed up, let the chips fall, or said I love you.

You are worth it to be BRAVE!"