Tomato Stakes and Kids

Anyone ever heard of Tomato Staking?

It's a type of consequence I use when I am at my wits in.

I haven't had to use it often BUT I have used it.

I believe I've mentioned it here before...It's part of my Mommy Boot Camp.

Yesterday afternoon a friend called me and needed some advice.

Parenting advice.

It was a classic case to me.

Perfect for Tomato Staking.

Here's Why?

Kids go through changes...changes in their minds...

in their heart...in their bodies.

I believe satan loves to lie to our kids secretly...just like he does to us.

I believe not being consistent with what you say is extremely damaging long term.

All this can work on a child and then if you throw any traumatic experience 

in the mix...watch out.

So my friend was trying to figure things out.

I gave her a chart to help with being consistent but she still was having

trouble with this one child who was now in her room.

I told her it sounds like she needs to be Tomato Staked.

She lied and wouldn't confess (and my friend can't prove).

Then you need to have her with you so you know what she is doing.

Lying won't be a problem then:)

She hit her siblings and said mean things.

Well, she will be with you and you can nip that before it happens.

You have her work hard while being Tomato Staked.

It's not a fun place BUT....

She is not just left in her room and forgotten about:(

She is not left there to get bitter and to handle all her emotions on her own.

Kids now also are cool with being in their rooms and would rather be there

than with the "people" in the house.

That is not the place you want your kids to be.

They may not like Tomato Staking now but they will understand 

later that it was for the best.
Note: I don't think sending a child to their room for some quiet time
is a bad thing...I just think that sometimes...some kids just need more.

One of the best things about Tomato Staking is the time you spend

with the child.

I won't lie, it can be hard on the parent because you have to have

them with you ALL the TIME!

Anytime you had that was free is now with this child.

If you're on the computer blogging:) and everyone is just chillin'

they have to be with you just sitting being bored.

BUT

The time you spend is the time you talk to them...

really talk and teach.

Not scold...this has already taken place, it doesn't need to keep going.

It's a time to find out what's going on in this little or big persons heart.

What's bringing the anger?

What they think we could do to resolve these issues?

Be prepared to have a "real" conversation with your child.

Not a one sided conversation.

They might have some very valid points and ideas on how things might

work better in the house.

Tomato Staking is a time for lots of reinforcing instruction also.

It a time to get them physically tired...

and have them understand the meaning of manual WORK!

It's a time for you to tell them you love them.

Be flexible.

When I was a new mom I read book after book on tips and tricks.

It's good to prepare yourself but be ready to bend.

You need to read your child and stick with a program you like but

bend with the punches so you don't get knocked out.

I've seen mom after mom get so frazzled...I'm mean bad frazzled.

I didn't understand at first.

Then I got to talking to them.

They didn't bend and when their kid punched and didn't sleep or

fussed more or whatever they didn't know what to do 

because they were stiff...they didn't bend.

Be flexible...know your kids!

When I have used tomato stakes in the past, my tomato plants grow straight,

produce more fruit, and flourish.

When I get lazy or think I don't want to spend the time or money on my

plants, they grow for a bit but get heavy and sometimes fall.

They fall when a rain comes...they stand a little better with more plant around it but

the tomato stake just helps give it support...guidance.

UNWIND:

Parenting...don't be lazy now or you'll pay later.

If you think it's so much work to follow through and you're too tired...

Then do things now so that later your family will run like clock work.

No family is perfect they all have their ups and downs.

Kids are like roller coaster testing you...but it gets easier the more you stand 

your ground yet with love are flexible.

ADDED NOTE::::::::::

When we are attached to someone, we become like him, her. We take on their mannerism, their reaction, their opinions. WE shadow them, moving through time and space as they do. Whoever we are attached to, spend time with, so goes the becoming. If we are closely aligned to mature, thoughtful Christ-followers, so we too grow this direction. 

It's like "buddy tape" for a broken finger....
--Holy Experience